I recently came across the work of writer, Bronnie Ware.  She spent several years caring for dying people in their homes and collected the regrets of those she cared for. As I turn my thoughts to the fresh New Year ahead, this list helped me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the 12 months of 2013. Here are my current thoughts on the top 5 regrets of the dying and what I can do to live regret-free.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

It is easy to fall into the trap of trying to be what others expect of you. Yet that can only lead to a life of unfulfilled dreams. As nurses, we have so many possibilities. At any stage of life we can say, “What do I want to be when I grow up?”. Recently a colleague told me she had started back to school to be a correctional nurse practitioner. She is a successful nurse executive but found she missed the daily patient interaction. Others might have expected her to continue up the corporate ladder but she has the courage to be true to herself and what she wants out of life. I respect that.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This regret reminds me of the adage that no one will say on their dying bed, “I wish I had spent more time at work.” So often we allow ourselves to be pressured into taking that extra shift or working doubles to fund the upcoming vacation. However, we need to think about time well-spent with family or in community service. Children and grandchildren grow up too fast to do it without you. Our aging parents pass on in record speed. I have another nurse friend who dropped out and spent several months helping her dying mother. I am sure she has no regrets in spending that time away from the profession.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

My consulting work takes me in and out of many jails and prisons in the course of a year. Mostly I am there to evaluate malpractice potential or employee safety risk and offer recommendations. However, sometimes I see and hear things that disturb me. Recently, in the course of viewing medication administration at a large jail, I watched a distressing interaction between the housing officer and an inmate. Should I have said something about it? I didn’t at that time but now wish I had. Correctional nurses are put into positions to address issues of human dignity. I need to do my part.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Staying in touch and getting back in touch seems so much easier now with social media options such as Facebook and LinkedIn. My high school friends are starting to plan our 40^th reunion through Facebook and I have reconnected with prior workmates through LinkedIn. Yet, posting pictures and ‘liking’ comments is not a substitute for a meaningful relationship. True relationship takes time and effort…..but it is always worth it. One goal I have is to make time to deepen relationships in 2013.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I once read that contentment is the art of conforming your desires to your circumstances. How many of us are unhappy because we are always able to desire something better than we have; whether it is a better house, better spouse, or better job. Yet the recent events in Connecticut remind me to enjoy all that I have. Many people may have more, but many have so much less or have lost dear ones. My goal is to increase my contentment and happiness in 2013.

What are your goals for the New Year? Inspire us by sharing them in the comment section of this post. Let us commit to living this coming year without regret.

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